I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
