Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
