So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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