We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
