I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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