I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
