My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
