you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
