I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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