HIV tests are more positive than that guy
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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