Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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