people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
