I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize