I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
