the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize