good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
