Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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