I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
FUCK WHALES
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
