Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
