well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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