Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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