do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
