Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
