I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
