so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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