How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
