five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
