is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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