puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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