what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
