She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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