my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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