Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
