To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
