My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
