the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
