I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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