no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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