She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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