I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
