i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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