just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
