Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
