it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
