One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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