Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
