Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
