Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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