I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
