i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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