I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
