Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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