A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
