She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
