It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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