Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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