$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
