everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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