I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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