Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
