Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
