I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
