Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
