If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
