I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
