i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
