i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
