wrigley field is MILF paradise
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
