I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Your cock deserves a montage
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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