he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
