My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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